The Worst Possible Light

Discipleship Corner

“The Worst Possible Light”
by: Tammie Friberg

Has anyone ever taken the things you have said or done, and expressed them in the worst possible light to you or to others who know you? While you would think truth would truly guide the upright, there are times we all respond to someone else by immediately thinking the worst of them when they frustrate us. Everyone from time to time jumps to the wrong conclusions and misunderstandings occur. But when we respond to someone regularly this way, it points to something much deeper, something hidden maybe even from ourselves. It may be that inwardly we have great storerooms full of
--fear or jealousy,
--pride when confronted with wrong-doing,
--resentment,
--unforgiveness,
--unresolved conflict,
--transference of anger toward someone in the past to someone who reminds you of them,
--trying to subvert justice or protect someone,
-trying to protect oneself or hide one's own sin,
--evidence of deep seated bitterness.

Think about it, why else would we continually interpret someone's actions or words disturbingly opposite of what they actually are? For these reasons, I believe it is one of the greatest tools Satan uses to cause suspicion, injustices, and discord among God's people. I was reading on the Internet the other day about this very issue. And what seemed to stand out is the fact that people who see someone else in the worst possible light tend to also see themselves in the best possible light! After all, in our minds the other person is always the greater sinner, right? But it seems to me there is something obvious here is that being missed. When someone is making these kinds of judgments, it really says more about their own hearts and fears than it does about the person they are blaming.

How can we be careful to not jump to these kinds of conclusions about others? Let us consider the following things.

As believers we must identify these judgments we make of others as sin. And as much as we do not want to admit it, we must consider the great possibility that we are exercising a form of retaliation, hostility, and possibly even hatred when we suggest the worst about someone. We need to ask God to search and heal our hearts. Evil suspicions of others is listed in Scripture as a deed of the flesh (1 Tim. 6:4).

When we think the worst of fellow believers, we are not allowing God's love to control us (2 Cor. 5:14). Instead, we are allowing our hearts filled with hatred, dislike, fear, or bitterness to interpret what we see and hear, twisting and bending the truth into something quite different than it really is. All of these things lead in differing degrees to bearing false testimony by construing events and words together to form our own "court cases" against someone. It is amazing how such hatred and bitterness can cloud our perspective. So instead of harboring these forms of resentment, consider Leviticus 19:17-18, “You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him. 'You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD.” As leaders if we do not love others, our message and life becomes a loud gong or clanging cymbal to other's ears (1Cor. 13:1), because we do not live what we preach. Further, Jesus links hating our brothers to murder because hatred is the underlying feeling that brings forth the action. It is in the heart that Jesus wants to be Lord.

It may be by seeing others in the worst light, that we are protecting others or ourselves, avoiding the admittion of sin in our lives or those closest to us. In America we have several slang phrases to describe this: "turning the tables (turning the focus of wrong back on someone else)," "monkey on your back (placing blame entirely on an innocent person)," "passing the buck," "blackballing (marking someone as bad or someone to stay away from)," and/or "scapegoatism (where someone takes the punishment and blame for something someone else did)." I have even heard ministers caught up in modern day psychology say that someone experiencing these things is just "playing the victim," while they themselves lacked the insight to see when someone was experiencing this scapegoatism or passing the buck from others. Even King David spoke of people who would twist his words and falsely accuse him, and he spoke of people who plotted his harm. Psalm 56:5-6 says, “All day long they distort my words; All their thoughts are against me for evil. They attack, they lurk, They watch my steps, As they have waited to take my life.” As leaders we need to be sharp enough and wise enough to see when someone else is being blackballed. In fact, the Bible says, “Whoever says to the guilty, "You are innocent"-- peoples will curse him and nations denounce him” (Proverbs 24:24). And consider also Leviticus 19:15, “You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly.”

Another aspect of this viewing others in the worst possible light has to do with a lack of understanding. When we face conflict, we tend to trust our own interpretations and past experiences more than we do what someone tells us. Remember, “The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him” (Proverbs 10:17). As believers, we need to seek understanding between each other. Understanding is an interesting word in the Bible, because it encompasses justice, mercy, and love all-together. Take a moment to think on that one a little bit before continuing. You see, having understanding goes a long way in getting to the truth of a matter, and once truth has been established, justice should follow. Continuing on, we better understand each other and so compassion and love intertwines justice. But in our culture, there are few people who really take the time to understand a situation between them and the person in which they have had a disagreement. We are exhorted in Scripture to, “Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," And call understanding your intimate friend” (Proverbs 8:4). Further, one of the Hebrew words for wisdom is the word, Abigail. Yes, it is a girl's name. But it also has a special meaning in Hebrew. It means the ability to see things from every angle. Remember Abigail went out to bring David food because she could see the situation brewing between David and her husband from every angle (1 Samuel 25). As we seek to know things from every perspective, we are able only then to proceed with right actions. If we have not acquired understanding with wisdom, we are likely to allow our emotions and our own judgments of others to prevail over love and justice. All in all, just as in life wisdom, understanding, and justice are linked together, so also the Scriptures present these three together. Proverbs says, “A leader who is a great oppressor lacks understanding, But he who hates unjust gain will prolong his days” (Proverbs 28:16). So when we are listening to disputes between others as leaders, we must be watchful and aware people tend to view others in extremes when they are angry and when they have themselves not sought understanding and acceptance of the person.

Finally, realize that the foundation of God's Throne is righteousness and justice. How much more should we try to reflect God's righteousness and justice in our relationships? “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Loving-kindness and truth go before You” (Psalm 89:14). God's judgment is pure and holy. King David exhibited this kind of quality when he would say, “The Lord judge between you and me.” What a wise thought! Some things we just need to leave to God. It is a comfort to me that in the end, “He will not judge by what His eyes see, Nor make a decision by what His ears hear; But with righteousness He will judge the poor, And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth; And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth, And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked. Also righteousness will be the belt about His loins, And faithfulness the belt about His waist” (Isaiah 11:3-5). Claiming to know someone's intent or motivation for something, and then passing judgments on them is simply taking God's rightful place. It is not to say we should not reprove others. It is to say we are to be very careful in how we judge because so much of ourselves and our hearts get in the way when we are really close to a situation.

In summary, all of these distorted views of others are actually a distorted view of oneself, a form of self-deception, and a blindness to the sinfulness of our own hearts. We must ask God to help us discern our own motivations for viewing others in the worst possible light. And finally, let us focus on how to, “Stimulate one another to love and good deeds” (Heb. 13:24).